"Mommy, why is daddy's skin darker than mine? Can I erase it with my pencil?" I know what you're thinking right now, and just like you, the minute I heard those words come out of Mr. President #1's mouth, the first thing that came to mind was, "Where the heck did I go wrong?" Mr. President #1 is notorious for asking me the what, why, and how of just about everything he doesn't understand, and that is perfectly okay with me. In light of the tragedy that occured in Orlando, Florida today, I thought this would be a good time for me to share why I believe acceptance and tolerance in general is so important for our children and the next generation. I expose my children to just about every facet of life. America is like a melting pot of all things different, and by living here, we have the luxury of experiencing and participating in celebrations and events for different cultures, countries, traditions, and other ways of life. With that being said, being "different" is just part of life for us, and that is exactly what I teach my children. Yes, I teach them the difference between right and wrong, but I also teach them that the world is full of people who live their lives differently than us, and that we should just embrace and accept them the way we accept the people who are like us.

Whether it's our Indian neighbor next door, our Asian buddy down the street, our friend from school who has two moms, or our buddy from pre-k whose dad is a double-amputee, we love and embrace them all because that is what life is all about; loving and accepting everyone. Our differences are what make life so colorful and beautiful, and I truly believe children who are more open and tolerant will ultimately get more out of life. But I will admit that I went wrong somewhere along the way. Hindsight is 20/20, right? But when I look back on the conversations I've had with Mr. President #1, I think I waited a little too long to have the tolerance, acceptance, and race talk with my son. We have since had many conversations about loving YOURSELF just the way you are, and accepting other people for who they are, but I kind of wanted to avoid being asked those grueling questions like why his father's skin is darker than his. Maybe these demonstrations of intuition are inevitable, but whatever the case, I have learned a few things from my experiences with Mr. President #1, and have a few tips I think will be very useful and life-changing for you.

What is tolerance?

Webster's defines tolerance as the ability and willingness to accept feelings, habits, or beliefs that are different from your own. Tolerance is having respect for and learning from others, valuing differences, bridging cultural gaps, rejecting unfair stereotypes, discovering common ground, and creating new bonds with others. Tolerance, in my opinion, is the complete opposite of prejudice. Tolerance is accepting all people for who they are, not judging them, and embracing them. Tolerance is treating others the way you want to be treated, regardless of what they look like, or where they come from. Let me also remind you that tolerance does not mean accepting things that are wrong. There is a clear distinction between accepting others for who they are, and accepting bad behavior. Just like I have taught Mr. President #1 (and am teaching Mr. President #2), tolerance is playing with your buddies on the playground who are a different color than you, or playing with your buddy at recess who speaks a different language than you. Being different is a beautiful thing, and tolerance is what brings all of us together.

How do we teach tolerance?

Our parents are our first teachers. Has anyone ever said to you, "You act just like your father?" If so, that's probably because your temperament and demeanor is an imitation of what you observed as a child. Of course we genetically inherit things from our parents, but children also examine their parents very carefully, and eventually begin to imitate them as they grow older. We all exhibit many learned behavior from our parents, [some of them a little better or more beneficial than others] and children, in great part, learn their attitudes and perspectives on things from their parents and guardians. In other words, tolerance is something that is taught, and as parents, it is our responsibility to teach our children to be tolerant of others, and not prejudiced. This does not mean you neglect teaching your children your own cultural vaules and traditions, but it simply means that you learn to respect and accept the differences of others. Besides, who are we to judge? In my opinion, God is the final judge, and not one of us is at liberty to judge someone else because of their differences. No more lives need to be taken becauase of the lack of tolerance instilled in children. Enough is enough, and the change that needs to take place in the next generation depends on us.

Why do we need to teach tolerance?

The ability to love and accept others in spite of their differences is an attribute that will take your children very far in life. In today's society, the workplace is filled with people from many different backgrounds, cultures, races, and with many different values, traditions, and sexual orientations who all have something to contribute to society. Being able to accept, understand, and work with people from different walks of life opens up a world of endless possiblities. Tolerance is so important becuase your child's future success literally depends on it. You also want to teach tolerance to avoid the inevitable misconceptions and misunderstandings of differences. First of all...as you already know, I am a minitority female with two minority children, whose oldest son once asked me why Daddy's skin was darker than his and if he could erase it with his pencil, and why his buddy has two moms. It's never too early to sit your children down and teach them that people are all born differently--different colors, different types of hair, different voices, etc., and that we cannot change who we are, but we can accept each other and just love one another anyway. Children might begin to notice race or gravitate toward children who "look like them," and they might even begin to notice preference as they grow older, but this is where our lessons and modeled behavior about tolerance come into play.

Parents, please remember to mind your own attitudes, be mindful of the things you say and do, expose your children to cultural differences, and allow them to choose and read books that teach about all different kinds of people. Teach your children the importance of your own values and traditions, and teach them the importance of accepting differences and not accepting bad bahavior. Children learn by example, so BE THE EXAMPLE! Our little ones are depending on us.
In honor of the many lives take at the Pulse Nightclub in Orlando, Florida June 12, 2016, I stand with you in solidarity. Know that you did not die in vain, and all lives of all people from all different walks of life MATTER.

"Now you just go on right ahead and turn around, brush your teeth, wash your face, pull your hair back, and put your house shoes on." Those were the first words I would hear from my father's mouth every Saturday morning, when the overwhelmingly good smell of homemade pancakes, sausage, bacon, eggs, and home fries would fill the house. The food would smell so good, I would just mosey right on into the kitchen, only to hear my father tell me to turn right back around and get myself together before breakfast. That's right. Daddy never believed in rolling out of the bed and shoving food into your mouth first thing in the morning: he believed we all should prepare and present ourselves well every single day, regardless of what plans we may or may not have had, and regardless of whom we planned or may not have planned to see. But this wasn't just a Saturday morning routine; this was a habit my father practiced in every part of his life, and it taught me so much about how to care for myself and others.

Since Father's Day is right around the corner, I figured this would be an appropriate time for me to share a few poignant life-lessons I learned from my father over the years. My father recently retired from the steel industry after over 50 years of service and hard work. I don't know about you, but I don't see this kind of work ethic anymore. Unfortunately, my father is part of a dying breed, but I am very fortunate to have had a front seat to his life, watching and listening to him every step of the way [even when he didn't think I was listening]. To this day, every single word that comes out of Daddy's mouth is at a maximum volume level because of the incredible noise of the grinders in the steel mill, but I just got used to it. He never much minds the heat either, as he once told me that the furnaces were so hot in the mill, he could only stay in there for 12-minute intervals and would lose about eight pounds a day working in the furnace. That explains his big appetite! With all of that being said...my father really is the King of making things up, but somehow, he is always right! Daddy has taught me so many life-lessons, I have literally lost count, but here are three I think you can apply to your own lives and even those of your children:

1. Always finish what you started:
I know I told you my father is the King of making things up, but he is also the King of Projects! Have you ever known someone who would start project after project, but those projects would never actually be completed? Well, my father is the exact opposite. When he starts a new project, it may take him quite a while to reveal his finished product, but he always finished what he started. As a kid, my father would just go around building things. He built chairs, cabinets, tables, book shelves, and even finished off the basement in his home! He repaired cars, built flower beds around the yard, and just always had something on the schedule to keep him busy.

I will never forget the day I came home and told my father I needed to build a car for my physics project. At first I thought he would be a little annoyed, but I think he was even more excited about the project than I was! Daddy took me downstairs to what we called his "Work Shop" and started pulling things off of the shelves. He took apart his old pair of roller skates, handed me the four wheels, and said, "Here you go. Go ahead and build your car!" Yes. He really left me there, BY MY LONESOME, to build a car from parts of an old pair of roller skates. Really, Dad? I toyed around with a bunch of his STUFF and random things from his tool box, but I got fed up and moved on to something else. When Daddy found out I had left my incomplete physics project downstairs in the Work Shop to collect dust, he had a few words to share with me. Next thing I knew, there was a knock on my door, and of course, it was my father. The only thing from that conversation I remember was him saying, "Do you want an A on this project? Don't ever let me see you do that. You finish what you started." I think you get the picture, right? Daddy never had to tell me that again. And you better believe--I ALWAYS finish what I've started! Oh...and I got and A on that physics project!

2. Never mind what other people think about you:
I am sure you've heard it before, "what other people think about you doesn't matter." Well, this was a recurring lesson in my house growing up. My parents always made sure to remind us that the opinions of others had no bearings over our lives. My mother would always tell us to live to please God, not our friends. She was absolutely right! Anyway...it all started in kindergarten at Sharon Christian Academy. I used to LOVE school! I had the best friends, my teachers were awesome, I sang in the school play, and life was just dandy! One day, my mother had taken my sisters and I to school, and when it was time for recess that day, I ran over to my best friend to see if she wanted to play. Unbeknownst to me, she had had a conversation with her mother the night before about who it was "okay" for her to play with. My best friend looked over at me and said, "My mom said I can't play with you anymore because you're mixed."

Okay...so...that was like nearly 30 years ago, so I have no idea what immediately followed, but I remember going home and telling my father what my so-called best friend had said to me at recess that day. You better believe my father went up to the school to handle business, but this is my first memory of Daddy telling me, "Never mind what she thinks about you." This situation repeated itself a few more times as I grew older, but my father was always there to remind me that the opinions of others really didn't matter. I know one thing, though: I kept on loving school, I kept on singing in the school plays, I kept on admiring my teachers, and life remained good thanks to my father. Take a lesson from my father and remember to never let the negative opinions of others diminish your happiness and positive outlook on life!

3. You know better, so DO better:
Now, I've definitely seen my father bend the rules every now and then, but he is a big fan of acting like you have some sense. I have made mistake after mistake after mistake through the years. In fact, I have a pile of mistakes somewhere I've been meaning to get rid of! But you guessed it! From one mistake to the next, Daddy's response was always, "Now, you know better." We won't take a stroll down Bad Choices Memory Lane, but I'll just tell you that I have racked up my fair share over the years, and yes...I've been punished for them ALL!

The reason this particular life-lesson is so near and dear to me is because this is something we always stumble with. When it came time to making that difficult decision--do I stay out and party all night, or do I study for my finals in the morning--I always heard that voice in the back of my head telling me, "Now, you know better," but I would act out anyway! I know I'm not alone here! I have since learned my lesson, but why was this always the case? Why did we always choose to do wrong when we KNOW we knew better? Who knows. I learned my lesson one day when I had been caught skipping school!! Doesn't seem like a big deal, but it was for this girl who wanted to graduate with honors and had racked up a full schedule of Advanced Placement classes! My buddies tried to cover for my one day, but when the principal came looking for me for skipping detention for being late, I was in a heap of trouble, and of course the school didn't call my mother; oh no...they called MY FATHER! I'm still grounded to this day, by the way. And I actually think Daddy had to tell me, "Now, you know better," like last week, haha!

In short, my life would not be the same without an incredible father and mother to lead the way. Thank you, Daddy, for being an immaculate example of a father. I am doing my best to teach my boys what you have taught me, but heck...I might as well just send Mr. President #1 and Mr. President #2 up there with you for the summer! You and mommy can just teach them first-hand! Happy Early Father's Day to all of the great fathers and father figures!! A special shout-out goes to my wonderful husband and better-half. We appreciate you!