Raising Black Children in Today's America: How Far Have We Really Come?

The more things change, the more they stay the same. But our desire to change must be greater than our desire to stay the same. Complacency and long-term yearning for superiority are dangerous characteristics that cause us to fall into the same patterns time and time again — whether or not we intend for this to happen.

For the past several months, I have not published a word — my blog has remained silent. I have felt so depleted; I have been plagued with this feeling of defeat. Although I have been active on social media, I couldn't quite find the strength to really put my feelings into words — until now. I cannot remain silent any longer. I cannot sit and allow the cries of these black men and women being killed at the hands of police officers go unacknowledged. The cries of George Floyd, and the many men and women killed in such a manner, are a metaphor of the cries of the African-American community over the last 400 years. 

As I was going through my blog archive the other day [in an attempt to get myself organized], I came across an article I wrote a few years ago, explaining the most important task I have as a mother: how to raise my children to be unapologetically black. As I read through the article, a few things jumped out at me: Mr. President #1 was only in kindergarten [he is in fifth grade now], Freddie Gray had just been killed, and the lingering affects of the murder of Trayvon Martin were still percolating. As I was reading what I had written many years prior, it occurred to me that so much had changed, yet so much remained the same. 

The killings of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, and Jacob Blake have led to renewed calls for racial equality and justice across our country. These killings have also reinforced numerous fears that many parents, like myself, have about raising black children in America — fears that our children could be killed while jogging or sleeping in our homes or otherwise, “living and breathing while black.” These renewed calls for justice really hit home. But what others don't realize is that when there is no civil rights movement; when there are no protestors in the street; when there are no calls for justice reaching Congress, little black boys and girls, like my children, still face the same obstacles. I am so perplexed. What do we do now? Where do we go from here? 

During what feels like like this never-ending litany of injustice, racism, and disenfranchisement in America, my only hope is that this generation will be the generation to further enact change. I have to remind my children that racism is prevalent whether or not they can see or identify it. Racism is like dust particles in the air — we might not be able to see them in a dark room, but as soon as we open the window and let the sun shine in, they are everywhere. Ultimately, our protests and calls for justice cannot change hearts and minds, but it can change legislation. We must vote.

How Far Have We Come?:

Of the many black figures of African-American history I learned about as a child, Emmitt Till's story and disfigured face was not one of them. When Till was horrifically beaten by a group of white men, shot, and tossed into the Tallahatche River with barbed wire and a cotton-gin fan tied to his neck, those involved in his killing were all acquitted. Throughout these decades that followed, we see the same cycle repeating itself. 

In February of this year, 120 years after it was first considered, Congress finally approved legislation making lynching a hate crime under federal law. The Senate also, unanimously, passed the legislation in 2019. The bill was renamed for Emmett Till in February of this year and returned to the Senate where it is currently being held. For 120 years, the cries of our people were being ignored. 

Just a few weeks ago, our current administration spent an entire political convention trying to convince the American people that racism does not exist. How could this be so when law enforcement can still unjustifiably suffocate a black man to death on a public street; a black woman can be slaughtered by law enforcement while peacefully sleeping in her bed; vigilantes can still chase down a black man and kill him in the middle of the street; and lynching is still not considered a hate crime under federal law. How? 

Very reminiscent of the vigilante murder of Emmitt Till 65 years ago, on February 23rd of this year, Ahmaud Arbery was chased by three white men while he was jogging down a street in Brunswick, Georgia. Two of the men hit Arbery with their truck, then one shot him. The men left Arbery dead in the street. They believed that he was responsible for thefts that had taken place in the area. Arbery's lifeless body was found just like Till's lifeless body was found, 65 years apart. How far have we really come? 

Where Do We Go From Here?:

The more I ponder the question of how to raise black children in today's America, I find it more and more difficult to find the answers. I often wake up in the middle of the night, and run to the bedside of my three, black children, just make sure they are all okay. Every night before I close my eyes, my prayer goes a little something like this:
"Dear Heavenly Father,
Please protect my children from danger seen and unseen. 
Wrap your arms around them, and let no hurt, harm, nor danger come near them. 
Guide and protect them, and lead them on a path of righteousness. 
Please let them live to fulfill the purpose You have called upon their lives. 
Please let them live. 
In Your miraculous name I pray, 
Amen."
I wrote it five, long years ago, and I'll write it again: Many of my mommy and daddy friends are teaching their children to be kind to others, say please and thank you, eat their vegetables, and be respectful. But I am not only teaching my children these necessary principles, I am literally teaching them how to stay alive.

I am not asking for your sympathy. I am asking for your action. As Dr. King once stated, "I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro's great stumbling block in his stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen's Counciler or the Klu Klux Klanner, but the white moderate, who is more devoted to "order" than to justice." When will  "order," or inferiority be outweighed by justice? When will black lives be more important than the need to ensure the same groups of people stay on top? This is why I don't need your sympathy, but I need your action. 

I need you to speak out against injustice — even when it doesn't affect you. I need you to send your children to the neighborhood school — even when you think there are too many black kids there. I need you to vote for elected officials who have a vested interested in our collective issues. I need you. 

Do you love America? I do. I love America so much — as much, or maybe even more than you do. I love her so much, that I am joining the charge to make her better — the best she can possibly be for everyone. When I was once told by a disgusting racist to "GO BACK TO AFRICA," my response was that I have no intention to go "back" to a place I have never been in the first place. This is my country. I ,too, am America. We cry out BLACK LIVES MATTER, not to diminish the value of life of those of other races, but to let others know that we too are valuable. There is so much value in cultural and racial competence — it makes everyone better. We can love and be disappointed in America all at the same time. America, I love you. Let's do better. 

My Post Five Years Ago:

Please take a moment to read this blog post I wrote five years ago. You'll notice that not much has changed. I'll meet you at the end:

It all began late one afternoon when I neglected to turn CNN off of the television. Mr. President #1 was watching one of his recorded children's shows before dinner, and when it ended, he could hear live television playing on in the background: the voice of the narrator of a documentary airing on CNN about an investigation into the killing of Freddie Gray suddenly filled the room. I immediately turned off the television, but that didn't stop Mr. President #1 from asking me the question I had been dreading, "Mommy, why did they kill that boy? Because he's black?" I was infuriated to hear those words coming from the mouth of my five-year-old son, but at that very moment, a revelation suddenly came upon me: I finally realized that racism, brutality, and violence were the issues our society had succumbed to decades after segregation and racial oppression had ended in America. We are facing the same issues our ancestors fought for so many years ago right now.
Now let me be clear about one thing. I am not anti-police. What I AM is anti-racism, anti-violence, anti-oppression, and anti-brutality. Racism is deeply rooted in our society whether we want to admit it or not. I ,too, have been a victim of racism and racial profiling, and because I do believe this is something my sons will disappointingly have to face one day, it is the responsibility of myself and my husband to prepare and equip them for the future.
Unfortunately, at this point, there is only so much I can do about the overbearing violence and racism happening in our society today. I am only one voice, but we need many voices; the voices of those from all races and all walks of life to come together to make a difference. People are killing one another like they have absolutely no regard for human life. I cannot control the type of news being aired on television or being published in our newspapers and magazines, but what I can control is how my children perceive what is happening today and how they learn to love and appreciate who they are in spite of it all. I have to teach my children to live their lives a little differently and more cautiously than some of their friends, but more importantly, I must teach them to always be unapologetically black and be proud of who they are.

How does my parenting differ from the norm?
Many of my mommy and daddy friends are teaching their children to be kind to others, say please and thank you, eat their vegetables, and be respectful. But I am not only teaching my children these necessary principles, I am literally teaching them how to stay alive. I am teaching my sons to be extremely careful of what they say; to be extremely cautious of the words that come out of their mouths — especially with the authority. I am teaching Mr. President #1 to be cognizant of the clothes he wears so he will not be perceived as a criminal when he's simply walking down the street or walking home from school. I am teaching my sons to be more tolerant than their peers, and to be aware of their surroundings at all times. When I send Mr. President #1 off to school, I remind him of these things, and to be aware of every move he makes. Can you imagine how tiresome this must be for such a small child? Kindergarten is enough to worry about, but for Mr. President #1, it doesn't end there, and I am sharing this because it just is not fair. For Mr. President #1 and I, I imagine our morning conversations will go a little something like this in the near future:
Me: Have a great day son.
Mr. President #1: Ok mommy. I love you.
Me: Remember to watch what you say. Be respectful, keep your hands to yourself, do nothing but smile at the police, and do not put your hood on unless it is raining. I love you too.
Mr. President #1: Ok mommy. Bye!
Me: What did I tell you son?
Mr. President #1: No touching, listen up, no hood, follow the rules! I got it mom! (And he runs off to school...)

​How will I teach my sons to be unapologetically black?
I have quite the task cut out for me when it comes to my two, little black boys. Teaching them to be unapologetically black in today's society is no easy feat, but I am grateful to have been given such an important responsibility. Mr. President #2 is still a little too young to take it all in, but I remind Mr. President #1 on a daily basis to be proud of who he is. I constantly tell him that the way he is, is not his fault. I tell him that the color of his skin, the shape of his face, his height, his shoe size, things he is great at, and things he has trouble learning are all because God made him that way. Yes —  I want my children to assume responsibility for the things they've done right and the things they've done wrong, but I want them to know that there is absolutely no mistake about the way God made them. I want them to know and understand that they are the way they are because God chose for them to be that way for a reason.

What do I expect my children to do with these life lessons?
As Mr. President #1 and Mr. President #2 grow older and gain a more clear understanding of it all, I expect them to not only understand that they are black and they are incredible, but for that reason, I expect them to treat others with nothing but love and respect. I expect my sons to realize that racism is real, whether they can see it or not, and to teach other people and little black boys who come after them that they all deserve to live and that they all have a place in our society. I am afraid that when the time comes, my sons will not know how to respond when they have to face racism, so I want to take time to prepare them now. I also want to build them up by letting them know how beautiful and wonderful they are and will always be, even when society will try to tear them down.

Same Story, different day. Like so many of you, I too am exhausted and heartbroken. I have realized that it is in our nature to feel defeated from time to time, but that does mean our journey is finished. We might be at the end of one road, but we just have to find a different route to get to where we really need to be. This journey toward justice and racial equity is a never-ending journey. It is a journey fought by our parents, grandparents, and those who came before them. But it is also a journey of several lifetimes. When our time comes, we must pick up the torch. In the words of the late Coretta Scott King, “Struggle is a never ending process. Freedom is never really won, you earn it and win it in every generation.”

Before I go, I must call on each and every one of you to go out and vote. As the saying goes, "bad officials are elected by good citizens who don't vote." Exercise your right and let's be the change we want to see in the world!! I love y'all, and I leave you with these incredible words by one of my favorite authors, the incomparable Toni Morrison:

“If I take your race away, and there you are, all strung out. And all you got is your little self, and what is that? What are you without racism? Are you any good? Are you still strong? Are you still smart? Do you still like yourself? I mean, these are the questions. Part of it is, ‘Yes, the victim. How terrible it’s been for black people.’ I’m not a victim. I refuse to be one … if you can only be tall because somebody is on their knees, then you have a serious problem. And my feeling is that white people have a very, very serious problem, and they should start thinking about what they can do about it. Take me out of it.”
-Toni Morrison