I am a woman, and I forgive Kobe Bryant. This is a decision I made many, many years ago. No one is so good or so perfect that he has not failed at some point; no one is so bad or so flawed that he cannot be saved. Everyone has committed a sin, but that does not subject us to live a life of continued sin, or determine that the realm of sin is where we must stay. Kobe Bryant has inspired a generation, and even in death, he continues to do just that. His story, which is one of redemption, reminds all of us that we are all sinners; we all fall short of the glory of God — or his perfect standards for our lives — but in Christ, we are all forgiven. I recently read an article that I thought would uplift the memory and legacy of Kobe Bryant, but instead, his accomplishments were completely overshadowed by his sexual-assault allegations and the #MeToo movement. A combination of my reaction to this article, and answering the call many of you charged me with to respond to the full life and legacy of Kobe Bryant, led me to write this. Kobe was accused of sexually assaulting a hotel employee nearly twenty years ago. But after the accuser refused to testify or further proceed, the charges were subsequently dismissed. With this in mind, I just have one question for you: do our past transgressions always define who we are and who we become? Can we still have a future? Completely set apart from everyday people, celebrities have millions of eyes on them. Every time they screw up, the whole world hears about it. Their blunders are published online and in magazines, broadcast over the airwaves, and talked about for days. And although these screw-ups eventually blow over, these incidents are never forgotten. The good book teaches us, "if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others of their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins (Matthew 6: 14-15). After the charges were dismissed, and all had been resolved, Kobe made this statement (below). Please keep in mind that when this statement was made, he was in no way required to share any of this with the public or make a statement as it pertained to his civil case: "First, I want to apologize directly to the young woman involved in this incident. I want to apologize to her for my behavior that night and for the consequences she has suffered in the past year. Although this year has been incredibly difficult for me personally, I can only imagine the pain she has had to endure. I also want to apologize to her parents and family members, and to my family and friends and supporters, and to the citizens of Eagle, Colorado. I also want to make it clear that I do not question the motives of this young woman. No money has been paid to this woman. She has agreed that this statement will not be used against me in the civil case. Although I truly believe this encounter between us was consensual, I recognize now that she did not and does not view this incident the same way I did. After months of reviewing discovery, listening to her attorney, and even her testimony in person, I now understand how she feels that she did not consent to this encounter. I issue this statement today fully aware that while one part of this case ends today, another remains. I understand that the civil case against me will go forward. That part of this case will be decided by and between the parties directly involved in the incident and will no longer be a financial or emotional drain on the citizens of the state of Colorado." We will never know what Kobe's intentions were when he released this statement — whether or not is was some sort of atonement for him — but we must acknowledge that it does have great value. His desire to make amends — to apologize — means even more to me. We must acknowledge and remember this apology because in a society that has failed to teach consent, it is possible for two people to read the same situation differently. Furthermore, and in my opinion, this apology was Kobe's way of admitting that he did do something, and he genuinely wanted all of us (including his accuser) to know just how remorseful he really was. This is why his apology matters. But what we often forget is that while making mistakes is human, forgiveness too, my friend, is human... Kobe Bryant was a hero to so many. But he was not a perfect person — none of us is. There is undoubtedly something to be said about an individual who willingly and openly admits to his transgressions, and literally spends his life proving, not only to himself, but to the world that he is bigger than the mistakes he has made — and possessing a full consciousness of his purpose in life: to inspire a generation. Maybe the best way for both survivors of sexual-assault and Kobe fans — and the many who just happen to be both — to honor Kobe's life and legacy is to recognize him as a flawed human being who did incredible things, possessed incredible talent, but who also made mistakes.
The breath of the #MeToo movement spat out too many accused for us to count, and the success and impact of Kobe Bryant's legacy inspired so many. But the clashing of the two is why some were conflicted — caught in this odd space in-between on Sunday. But it also charges us to look at ourselves — are our lives as exemplary as those we require others to lead? As a society, we take advantage of forgiveness. We fail to remember that those we look up to, even though they possess a God-given talent, are themselves human. Alexander Pope once wrote, “To err is human; to forgive, divine.” Screwing-up is human; it’s in our nature. But what we often forget is that while making mistakes is human, forgiveness too, my friend, is human; God expects us to forgive, just as he has done for us. As a woman, even in this generation and in the midst of the #MeToo movement, I believe there is still room for redemption. Who are we to judge? There is also room to forgive and admire Kobe Bryant, while empathizing with victims of sexual-assault. Only Kobe's accuser can decide whether or not she forgives him, and it is just not our place, or our responsibility, to outwardly do this on her behalf. Regardless of where you stand on the legacy of the great Kobe Bryant, no one can negate the fact that his death was an unthinkable tragedy; the death of his 13-year-old daughter devastating all the more. And none of the souls on that helicopter that day deserved to die at such a young age, in such a grievous way. And while we insensitively criticize Kobe Bryant’s legacy, there are people left behind who love him and are grieving. I, however, find comfort in knowing he spent his final days filled with three things closest to his heart: faith, family, and basketball. So there you have it: I am a woman, and I forgive Kobe Bryant. Every saint has a past. Every sinner has a future. And Kobe’s life was a testament to this. It was no coincidence that he became the father of four little girls. And the way he loved and cared for them was admirable in and of itself. To the Bryant family and friends, and all of those affected by this unspeakable tragedy, I am praying for you, relentlessly. God bless you.
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I was sitting on the edge of my bed reading The Water Dancer by Ta-Nehisi Coates when my husband walked into our bedroom, and blurted out, "Kobe is dead." At first I thought he was pulling my leg. But I couldn't help but think, "why would he say such a thing?" When I asked him to repeat himself, he could barely find the words, but managed to say, "Kobe Bryant died in a helicopter crash this morning." I was stunned. I was in a state of disbelief. I immediately turned on the television to find that everything my husband had said was true. I bet you can recall exactly where you were and exactly what you were doing when you learned of the passing of Kobe Bryant Sunday afternoon.
When I later learned that Kobe's 13-year-old daughter, Gianna, also died with him in the helicopter crash, I literally felt a weakness — I could barely hold myself up. But why was I so profoundly affected by the death of a celebrity I didn't even know? How could I be so forlorn over a person I had never even met? When an icon passes away, and leaves his or her earthly inhabitancy, we feel like we have lost a friend. But furthermore, celebrities take on a "Bigger than Life" persona, and somewhat display the image of God manifested in man — perfection. When the talents of a celebrity like Kobe bless us, we are able to see the incredible creation of God ultimately displayed in man. I truly believe that there are chosen ones. What do I mean by that? I believe that once in a lifetime, God blesses the world with these incredible talents, these incredible people, who are able to show just how magnificent He really is. These chosen few become bigger than their gifts, as they adopt this iconic image and connect with people around the world. Kobe was a chosen one. Think about this for a second! There were thousands of individuals who died on Sunday, but the death of Kobe Bryant seems to be the ending that left us all utterly speechless. But beyond this image of perfection, I honestly believe these five reasons leave us despondent over the tragic loss of the legendary Kobe Bryant, or any celebrity who has made such an impact on our lives: 1. We are reminded of our own mortality. Life is fragile, and death simply does not discriminate. When celebrities we love take on this "Bigger than Life" persona, they seem almost immortal to us. If death can happen to someone so incredibly special, it can definitely happen to us. Regardless of our age, (13 or 41), death can strike at any moment. We are reminded in the book of James that we do not know what will happen tomorrow. Life is just a vapor that appears for a moment and eventually vanishes away. Our time here on earth is short. While we are reminded of our own mortality, we must also be reminded to cherish every moment, and live like there is no tomorrow. 2. He transcended all of the things that divide us. Kobe wasn't "Bigger than Life," but he was bigger than the game of basketball. For those who love the game of basketball, and even those who don't, we all knew Kobe and the generous, genuine, and gentle man he was. He transcended race; he transcended class; he transcended culture. Kobe was able to show the world that no matter who you are, no matter what you look like, and no matter where you come from, God can use anybody to leave His mark on the world. I can personally say that I feel empowered and inspired by celebrities who are able to touch so many individuals, in so many different walks of life. When celebrities leave us, the thought of them no longer contributing to our lives can really leave a void. When Michael Jackson died, one of the most difficult aspects of this loss was the realization that there would be no more music from him. How could this be so, especially when so many memorable moments of my life were connected to his music. Nostalgia is a powerful thing — a longing for the familiar. 3. We weren't supposed to make it. We were slaves. Yes, you read that correctly. We were slaves. We weren't supposed to shake up the world. As an African-American, Kobe's tragic death resonates with me because of our story. From the slave ships to the White House, we made it, despite what others might have done to keep us down. We weren't supposed to become the greatest athletes in the world. We weren't supposed to be the biggest selling musicians of all time. We weren't supposed to become the President of the United States of America. We weren't supposed to win the Pulitzer Prize and the Nobel Peace Prize. After hundreds of years of slavery and bondage, Jim Crow laws, and the journey for civil-rights and equality, we, as a people, have suffered enough. When one of our people die in such a tragic and untimely fashion, we relive all of the suffering and the pain. When Dr. King was assassinated, riots literally broke out in major cities around the country. It isn't supposed to end this way. We have been through enough. But it's okay to see the parallel in your experiences. We can find comfort in knowing that we can lean on one another. 4. We all make mistakes. This includes you. Kobe was the epitome of class and grace. He did not try to run from his personal troubles when it seemed like his world was crumbling. Rather, he addressed them, apologized for what might have gone array, picked himself up, and continued on his journey. If you haven't made any mistakes in life, then your momma should have just named you Jesus. Just like Peter, Kobe's story is one of redemption. Although we make mistakes, the greatest misfortune is not in the mistake itself. Rather, the misfortune is in repeating those mistakes over and over again. We make mistakes to learn from them, not to be cursed by them. Knowledge and good judgment follow when we truly learn from our blunders. We can all be redeemed. 5. We are fathers like Kobe and mothers like Vanessa. It's our worst fear. the unthinkable, completely exposed and devastating. For those who love the sport, and those who could care less about the game of basketball, we all shared something in common yesterday: we cried until we couldn't cry anymore, and we hugged our little ones like it would be our last. My husband cannot play basketball like Kobe, and he doesn't speak four different languages like him either, but he definitely has one thing in common with the icon — he is a father like Kobe. Looking at the photos of Kobe with is daughter Gianna reminds us all of that pride and unconditional love we feel for our children. Those pictures are all but a memory now for Vanessa and her three daughters. This is almost unbearable for me to fathom right now. We might not be like Kobe, but he was like many of us — a doting father. Vanessa is also like many of us — a loving mother. And we will continue to keep her lifted as she navigates through life without her best friend, and without her daughter whom she gave the greatest gift of all — life. The closest thing to Michael Jordan the world has seen, Kobe Bryant's legacy will live on long after his death. Kobe holds an 81 point scoring record in one game, five championships with the Los Angeles Lakers, 18 All-Star game appearances, two olympic gold medals, and two jerseys hanging in the Staples Center — No. 8 and No. 24. Only 41 years old — these numbers will be ingrained in our memories forever. Kobe was a masterpiece, a chosen one. I am so glad God blessed us with just a glimpse of His magnificence — if only for a short time. Thank you Kobe, for sharing your God-Given gifts with the world. And thank you for reminding us, even in death, that there is still hope in mankind. We should all look to Christ as we make our way through this short, but complicated world. May the peace of God, that surpasses all understanding, guard your hearts and your minds. To the Bryant family, and all of those affected by the souls lost in this tragic accident, I will never stop praying for you. |
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