I am a woman, and I forgive Kobe Bryant. This is a decision I made many, many years ago. No one is so good or so perfect that he has not failed at some point; no one is so bad or so flawed that he cannot be saved. Everyone has committed a sin, but that does not subject us to live a life of continued sin, or determine that the realm of sin is where we must stay. Kobe Bryant has inspired a generation, and even in death, he continues to do just that. His story, which is one of redemption, reminds all of us that we are all sinners; we all fall short of the glory of God — or his perfect standards for our lives — but in Christ, we are all forgiven. I recently read an article that I thought would uplift the memory and legacy of Kobe Bryant, but instead, his accomplishments were completely overshadowed by his sexual-assault allegations and the #MeToo movement. A combination of my reaction to this article, and answering the call many of you charged me with to respond to the full life and legacy of Kobe Bryant, led me to write this. Kobe was accused of sexually assaulting a hotel employee nearly twenty years ago. But after the accuser refused to testify or further proceed, the charges were subsequently dismissed. With this in mind, I just have one question for you: do our past transgressions always define who we are and who we become? Can we still have a future? Completely set apart from everyday people, celebrities have millions of eyes on them. Every time they screw up, the whole world hears about it. Their blunders are published online and in magazines, broadcast over the airwaves, and talked about for days. And although these screw-ups eventually blow over, these incidents are never forgotten. The good book teaches us, "if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others of their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins (Matthew 6: 14-15). After the charges were dismissed, and all had been resolved, Kobe made this statement (below). Please keep in mind that when this statement was made, he was in no way required to share any of this with the public or make a statement as it pertained to his civil case: "First, I want to apologize directly to the young woman involved in this incident. I want to apologize to her for my behavior that night and for the consequences she has suffered in the past year. Although this year has been incredibly difficult for me personally, I can only imagine the pain she has had to endure. I also want to apologize to her parents and family members, and to my family and friends and supporters, and to the citizens of Eagle, Colorado. I also want to make it clear that I do not question the motives of this young woman. No money has been paid to this woman. She has agreed that this statement will not be used against me in the civil case. Although I truly believe this encounter between us was consensual, I recognize now that she did not and does not view this incident the same way I did. After months of reviewing discovery, listening to her attorney, and even her testimony in person, I now understand how she feels that she did not consent to this encounter. I issue this statement today fully aware that while one part of this case ends today, another remains. I understand that the civil case against me will go forward. That part of this case will be decided by and between the parties directly involved in the incident and will no longer be a financial or emotional drain on the citizens of the state of Colorado." We will never know what Kobe's intentions were when he released this statement — whether or not is was some sort of atonement for him — but we must acknowledge that it does have great value. His desire to make amends — to apologize — means even more to me. We must acknowledge and remember this apology because in a society that has failed to teach consent, it is possible for two people to read the same situation differently. Furthermore, and in my opinion, this apology was Kobe's way of admitting that he did do something, and he genuinely wanted all of us (including his accuser) to know just how remorseful he really was. This is why his apology matters. But what we often forget is that while making mistakes is human, forgiveness too, my friend, is human... Kobe Bryant was a hero to so many. But he was not a perfect person — none of us is. There is undoubtedly something to be said about an individual who willingly and openly admits to his transgressions, and literally spends his life proving, not only to himself, but to the world that he is bigger than the mistakes he has made — and possessing a full consciousness of his purpose in life: to inspire a generation. Maybe the best way for both survivors of sexual-assault and Kobe fans — and the many who just happen to be both — to honor Kobe's life and legacy is to recognize him as a flawed human being who did incredible things, possessed incredible talent, but who also made mistakes.
The breath of the #MeToo movement spat out too many accused for us to count, and the success and impact of Kobe Bryant's legacy inspired so many. But the clashing of the two is why some were conflicted — caught in this odd space in-between on Sunday. But it also charges us to look at ourselves — are our lives as exemplary as those we require others to lead? As a society, we take advantage of forgiveness. We fail to remember that those we look up to, even though they possess a God-given talent, are themselves human. Alexander Pope once wrote, “To err is human; to forgive, divine.” Screwing-up is human; it’s in our nature. But what we often forget is that while making mistakes is human, forgiveness too, my friend, is human; God expects us to forgive, just as he has done for us. As a woman, even in this generation and in the midst of the #MeToo movement, I believe there is still room for redemption. Who are we to judge? There is also room to forgive and admire Kobe Bryant, while empathizing with victims of sexual-assault. Only Kobe's accuser can decide whether or not she forgives him, and it is just not our place, or our responsibility, to outwardly do this on her behalf. Regardless of where you stand on the legacy of the great Kobe Bryant, no one can negate the fact that his death was an unthinkable tragedy; the death of his 13-year-old daughter devastating all the more. And none of the souls on that helicopter that day deserved to die at such a young age, in such a grievous way. And while we insensitively criticize Kobe Bryant’s legacy, there are people left behind who love him and are grieving. I, however, find comfort in knowing he spent his final days filled with three things closest to his heart: faith, family, and basketball. So there you have it: I am a woman, and I forgive Kobe Bryant. Every saint has a past. Every sinner has a future. And Kobe’s life was a testament to this. It was no coincidence that he became the father of four little girls. And the way he loved and cared for them was admirable in and of itself. To the Bryant family and friends, and all of those affected by this unspeakable tragedy, I am praying for you, relentlessly. God bless you.
2 Comments
Mommy
1/30/2020 04:00:10 pm
Well written my darling daughter!
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Lenise Murphy-Thomas
1/30/2020 05:03:33 pm
Beautifully written!
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